If you know me, you realize that I love spontaneity and have no problem with just winging it. I view life as an adventure that is to be unfolded as you go. I do set some goals, but they are rarely firm as I think the dynamics of life should dictate where you go next.
This viewpoint has been both a blessing and a curse. It has been a blessing in the fact that I don't feel like I have failed in life, just changed my trajectory. Just because I haven't met goals that I had in mind when I was in my teens, or twenties, does not make me less of a person or less successful in the things that really matter. So what if my bank account is not bulging, I have enjoyed life in my own way and have very few regrets.
A clear example of this is that until the time I was around 25, I never even contemplated having kids. I didn't have the desire or the need. I got married when I was 24 and my husband (now ex-husband), talked me into having kids. I loved him and was dedicated to him, so to make him happy, I thought I would bear through it. Well, it turned out that having kids was the best thing that I ever did. As soon as I became pregnant, my maternal instinct kicked in and I was a happy pregnant lady which only became better when I became a Mom. And I must say, I rock as a Mom. It doesn't pay all that well, but I must admit that I am good at it. But, left to my own devices and opinions, I would never would have had kids.
My life has progressed like this over the years. As things came up or my views changed, I tried different things and often changed my path. This has been rewarding and fun and brought a lot of joy to my life, but (yes, of course there is a "but") it has also left me a middle aged woman trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up. And that, my friends, is the curse. I don't have a clear path to follow.
I have decided that this journey to perfect solace should have some goals so that I have some direction for what I need to accomplish. I am well on my way and have already learned many things about myself, but I still have a lot to achieve and discover. My goals are as follows:
* Become gainfully employed (this is first and foremost)
* Find a religious community that is comfortable and supportive
* Focus on health, which includes losing weight
* Increase my circle of friends
* Love unconditionally (my kids, boyfriend and friends)
* Enjoy nature and everything it provides
* Revisit old hobbies that have been long forgotten and explore new ones
* Make myself my priority
* Become creative again
I am sure I will think of more goals as time goes on. I tried to write these so they are fluid and will work well with the flow of living and change. This journey is a process and there is no particular end, it is the journey itself that is to be enjoyed.
If anyone has any suggestions feel free to comment. I appreciate comments. In fact, if you are willing to join me in the journey or have been through a similar one, please share your experiences, I would love to hear them.