Sunday, April 24, 2016
No More Martyrdom
I have been in my current relationship for a little more than 6 months now. I must say that I am very happy, however, I am finding that I am doing too much. This is of course is no fault of my boyfriend's but of my own. I have a history of sacrificing too much of myself to please other people. I get to a point where I am no longer living for myself but for the other person. This only creates resentment for everyone. I feel like I am taken advantage of and then take it out on the other person which is totally unfair.
In this relationship I am trying to prevent myself from getting to this point. I love doing everything for my boyfriend, but I rebel every so often and then he thinks I am crazy. I have yet to find a middle ground on how to deal with this. I really wish I knew how to live for me. I am working on this and have asked God to show me how. I was raised to serve others and to not think of myself, so I find it hard to put myself first. When I do put myself first I have guilt and shame, so it is a constant struggle for me.
I am envious of women who can put themselves first and enjoy life to the fullest. I must say that I am a happy person, but I find it hard to maintain when I am worried about whether I am pleasing someone else all the time. My boyfriend is very appreciative of everything that I do for him and he is more giving and understanding than any guy I have ever dated. I am so lucky to have him. I am thankful for every day we have together.