Sunday, April 24, 2016

No More Martyrdom

I have been in my current relationship for a little more than 6 months now.  I must say that I am very happy, however, I am finding that I am doing too much.  This is of course is no fault of my boyfriend's but of my own.  I have a history of sacrificing too much of myself to please other people.  I get to a point where I am no longer living for myself but for the other person.  This only creates resentment for everyone.  I feel like I am taken advantage of and then take it out on the other person which is totally unfair.

In this relationship I am trying to prevent myself from getting to this point.  I love doing everything for my boyfriend, but I rebel every so often and then he thinks I am crazy.  I have yet to find a middle ground on how to deal with this.  I really wish I knew how to live for me.  I am working on this and have asked God to show me how.  I was raised to serve others and to not think of myself, so I find it hard to put myself first.  When I do put myself first I have guilt and shame, so it is a constant struggle for me.

I am envious of women who can put themselves first and enjoy life to the fullest.  I must say that I am a happy person, but I find it hard to maintain when I am worried about whether I am pleasing someone else all the time.  My boyfriend is very appreciative of everything that I do for him and he is more giving and understanding than any guy I have ever dated.  I am so lucky to have him.  I am thankful for every day we have together.

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